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Firstly: congratulations, you’re officially reading my first blog post. Frankly, I’m a little stunned that you are, because I have no wordly idea what one is meant to write in the first post. I’m even more stunned that you thought mine might be interesting – and more than a little flattered.

Seriously, that’s my exact facial expression.

I know most people start with the standard: ‘About Me’ rant; or, the appropriately titled ‘Why I am Writing this Blog’. I have issues with both. I have not quite let go of the healthy paranoia my parents instilled in me when the internet invaded my house and I can’t bring myself to announce my personal details to the world. I think we should take things slow, I mean we’re just starting out on our journey together…

As for why this blog exists…*awkward pause*. At this stage, your guess is probably as good a mine. I have finally decided that I have so many opinions on everything the only solution to is post them online. I know, GENIUS!

Hence my conclusion: first blog posts are awkward not matter what you do. So I’ve decided to just admit it…and then babble for a while.

The only other thing people do with first blog posts (as far as my extensive research of four blogs goes) is a philosophical call-to-arms about whatever it is they believe. Sadly, I am not going to write something empowering for you. I can do better:

If this Corgi dressed as a Lobster doesn’t make you laugh,

I don’t have a chance.